"A spit-take is a comedic technique in which someone spits a beverage out of his or her mouth when he or she reacts to a statement during a take. In a spit-take, the reaction is usually one of surprise. Danny Thomas is sometimes credited with popularizing its use in comedy." (Source: Wikipedia, the lazy man's reference material.)

We thought it would be considerate to give you guys the ever-so-brief history of the knee-jerk reaction you're likely about to experience, depending on your level of self-investment in the overseas gaming electronics market, and whether or not you're currently drinking a nice, refreshing beverage. Amidst substantial drops in weekly sales totals for all its competitors, the rarely triumphant Xbox 360 pulled off a spectacular ascent with an increase of over 15,000 units. It performed this feat by riding upon the comfortable, pillowy back of Star Ocean: The Last Hope, a 360 exclusive that sold over 162,000 copies in its release week.

Then again, perhaps news that a Square Enix title featuring vaguely effeminate dudes pushed Japanese sales of its designated system doesn't surprise you to the point of expectoration. Your unflappable, steely nerves keep you from being startled by sales figures, let alone the GIANT SPIDER THAT'S ON YOUR SHOULDER. (Yeah, that probably did the trick.)

- DSi: 41,839 11,644 (21.77%)
- PSP: 29,552 4,704 (13.73%)
- Xbox 360: 25,334 15,501 (157.64%)
- Wii: 16,973 4,043 (19.24%)
- PS3: 16,149 2,507 (13.44%)
- DS Lite: 9,975 4,835 (32.65%)
- PS2: 5,029 303 (5.68%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The expectorating archives

Your guess is as good as ours as to how today's major PSN release, Noby Noby Boy plays. Heck, even it's creator -- Katamari Damacy's Keita Takahashi -- doesn't know why he made it. But, given its pedigree and $4.99 pricetag, we're going for it. Will you join us? (The more the merrier, as new stages are unlocked via cumulative global play -- crazy!).

Today's update also brings PopCap's Zuma to PS3 (it's no Peggle, but what is ... except, well, Peggle), along with the much-anticipated Burnout Paradise Legendary Cars Collection, WipEout trimmings (plus costumes) for LittleBigPlanet and a playable demo of Loco Roco 2 for PSP, among various other offerings.

Here's an interesting fact: In order to earn money through product placements, you actually have to have a pre-arranged deal with the advertised company. You can't just start interjecting their brand name into conversations and wait for them to send you a check. Alas, our meticulous plan for bringing some much-needed economic growth to the Japanese Hardware Sales Institute has collapsed under the weight of its own immeasurable incompetence. We've been forced to take the last measure available to us in order to continue providing this valuable service: Workforce optimization.

We've elected to simplify a startling number of positions here at the Institute, including Stat Trackers, Adders, Subtractors, Analyzers, Percentage Calculators, Red and Green Arrow Breeders, Pun Writers, Pun Editors, and our LOLcat Locator. We even restructured the guy who was in charge of the optimization procedures. We'd like to call this irony, but we can't be sure. We smartsized our Literary Device Examiner.

We also unhired our Witty Remark That Actually Pertains to The Current Week's Sales Figures Guy -- luckily, his services won't be needed, as this week's chart looks alarmingly similar to the last fifty. Just hop into our archives, and choose your favorite wisecrack. Take our word for it -- it'll still be relevant.

- DSi: 49,529 6,084 (10.94%)
- PSP: 34,969 9,166 (20.77%)
- Wii: 20,412 2,866 (12.31%)
- PS3: 16,082 1,323 (7.60%)
- DS Lite: 12,484 2,663 (17.58%)
- Xbox 360: 8,311 204 (2.52%)
- PS2: 5,089 245 (4.59%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The smartsized archives

Capcom has shipped more than 3 million copies of Monster Hunter Portable 2nd G for the PSP in Japan, Capcom announced today. The game has been released in three editions: the original release, the hardware bundle, and a "The Best" reissue.

It's a massive success story for Capcom -- Monster Hunter Portable 2nd G couldn't have cost much to make, being based on Monster Hunter Portable 2nd, which is itself based on the PS2 Monster Hunter 2, and yet it was the best-selling game in Japan last year. It was also the only PlayStation title to sell over two million copies in Japan in 2008. The company has more big numbers to look forward to when it releases the game in North America as Monster Hunter Freedom Unite.

If you're a PS3-only gamer who happens to be a fan of vintage tabletop gaming, monsters, and football, then you are probably acutely, painfully aware of the lack of Blood Bowl video games in your future. Cyanide is making an Xbox 360 version -- why not use the same assets and codebase for the PS3 like so many others? What's the deal? Does it hate the PS3 or something?

In an interview with Destructoid, the developer explained its apparent snub on the platform. "Cyanide is a small company," a representative said. "We have no previous experience on that platform [and] it would have been a bit risky and expensive for us. But, we are hoping to do a PS3 version if the game is selling well."

So, rather than a lack of faith in the platform, Cyanide has somewhat of a lack of faith in its own ability to develop for it without killing the budget. It still means no PS3 version for now, but it also means no janky, poorly ported PS3 version for now. That's ... something. And if the other versions of the game, coming out in Q2 of this year, are successful, we may see a (good) PS3 version yet.

[Via VG247]

Times are tough, folks. If you live in the economically beleaguered U.S. of A., we think you're probably aware of what we're DRINK PEPSI talking about. We know you guys place us on a towering, resplendent pedestal, high above the recession's unforgiving grasp, but just like everyone else, we've needed to find CRISP REFRESHING PEPSI-COLA alternative methods of earning some extra greenbacks in order to make ends meet. The wariest among you may have qualms with our new, surreptitious product placements, but hey, a blogger's gotta eat AND DRINK PEPSI IT'S SO CRISP AND GOOD.

Here's the charts, which are boring. There, we said it. Their order has IT'S PEPSI TIME barely changed over the past two months, and aside from the post-holiday drop-off, the changes in sales figures haven't exactly razzle-dazzled us either. C'mon, Japanese console buyers. We wanna DRINK PEPSI-COLA ALL NIGHT AND DAY see some shifts of apocalyptic proportions next week. Everyone in Japan under the thrall of our voice -- go buy PEPSI a few Game Boy Pockets, and nothing else. That oughta do the trick.

- DSi: 55,613 3,995 (7.73%)
- PSP: 44,135 5,855 (15.29%)
- Wii: 23,278 3,492 (13.04%)
- PS3: 17,405 303 (1.71%)
- DS Lite: 15,147 1,461 (10.68%)
- Xbox 360: 8,107 444 (5.79%)
- PS2: 5,334 257 (5.06%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The TALL, SWEATY GLASS OF PEPSI-COLA archives

If the trusty mechanisms which usher our incoherent ramblings onto the internet do their job, then this particular edition of the Japanese hardware sales should be hitting monitors across the globe just before the beginning of the 43rd Super Bowl. We devised this clever bit of scheduling because -- prepare to be amazed -- we know exactly what the outcome of the big game will be. This way, you guys can be impressed by our soothsaying prowess, but it'll be too late for you to abuse our clairvoyance in a Pete Rose-esque fashion.

How did we coerce this prophecy from the swirling ether of fate? It was a two-step process:

1. Despite protests from a number of concerned parties, we arranged a boxing match between a construction worker and an aged higher-up of the Catholic church to determine the winner.

2. To discern the numerical statistics, we handed an overzealous five-year-old a crayon and a piece of graph paper containing the first 700 digits of pi. Following our explicit instructions, he drew a breathtaking portrait of a certain ambulatory sponge on the paper. We divided said sponge in half, assigning the digits touching his symmetrical parts to statistics for each team. We gave the child a bag of Skittles, and returned him to his extremely worried parents.

Here's our final tally: Cardinals over Steelers with a final score of 88 to 2. We know, we were surprised as well -- who would have anticipated that Monsignor Francis would be so darn scrappy?

- DSi: 51,618 10,907 (17.44%)
- PSP: 38,280 4,279 (10.05%)
- Wii: 26,770 5,563 (17.21%)
- PS3: 17,708 2,982 (14.41%)
- DS Lite: 13,686 5,123 (27.24%)
- Xbox 360: 7,663 1,913 (19.98%)
- PS2: 5,077 683 (11.86%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The clairvoyant archives

Fans of 2D fighters and the Guilty Gear franchise, prepare for enjoyment. Aksys has revealed Guilty Gear XX Accent Core Plus, which is set to grace the PS2, PSP, and Wii with its 2D splendor in Spring 2009. As big fans of 2D fighters, we were more than happy to receive the press release and pass the info along to you all. So, what should you expect?

Well, there will be punching. There's also going to be some kicking. And, by all means, do not freak out when you see a character or two jump. Jokes aside, it's another Guilty Gear game. You pretty much know what you're getting into by now.

Wow, not only did Sony take the time to deny an IGN rumor about the PSP2, but the company took the opportunity to flat out insult the site. IGN recently cited "several credible sources" in a report on Sony's next handheld, allegedly featuring a touch screen, Bluetooth support, hard drive and GPS. MCV then spoke to Sony about the rumor -- that's when the sparks flew.

"Clearly, being a quiet time of year, many, what we thought to be credible websites, are making up stories about PSP2, and how it allows you to teleport across the globe, travel through time, and will be powered by the horns of baby rhinoceroses," Sony explained. "Hopefully, you can sense a mild tone of sarcasm, which should hopefully indicate how 'on the money' IGN are. Needless to say, we don't comment on rumour or speculation, but this is nonsense."

We don't know who to feel embarrassed for right now, but it's certainly going to be awkward if IGN is right.

Source - Rumor: PSP2 coming soon. (IGN)
Source - PSP 2 Rumors are "nonsense." (MCV)

Take note, game publishers: There are two ways to take the featured slot on our weekly release list. 1. Be a hotly anticipated game or 2. Have your top competition be MLB Front Office Manager. Yes, Afro Samurai may have taken the road less traveled, but it's hard to argue with the results.

Also, we're not saying that we're going to go out of our way to play new series entry Iron Triangle, but we're compelled to point out that "Nobunaga's Ambition" is still one of the best names for a video game ever.

A trailer for Indiana Jones and the Staff of Kings has popped up online. Watch as Indy gets thrown through a window, escapes floods, uses a whip, steals an amulet, and runs away from gunfire -- all without ever losing his trademark fedora. Yep, all in a day's work.

According to the video, it's coming Spring 2009 for Wii, DS, and an unidentified PlayStation console (it's already been rated for PSP and we know Wii games often see a PS2 port). This is great, LucasArts. Really ... but any chance of getting an Indy game in the vein of Indiana Jones and The Emperor's Tomb on 360 and PS3?

Oh, it all makes sense now: IGN's rumor; the vague response. Sounds to us like that project won't ever see the light of day, while Staff of Kings is LucasArts' "commitment" to the franchise. Is it possible to miss something that was never released?

[Via Mixnmojo]

The game industry's closest approximation of Hollywood's Academy Awards has to be the Interactive Achievement Awards. The Academy of Interactive Arts & Sciences (AIAS) has revealed its nominees for 2008, and LittleBigPlanet has managed to run away with ten category nominations, the most of any game this year.

Ahem. And the nominees are:

Overall Game of the Year: Fallout 3 Grand Theft Auto IV Left 4 Dead LittleBigPlanet Metal Gear Solid 4

Console Game of the Year: Fallout 3 Gears of War 2 Grand Theft Auto IV LittleBigPlanet Metal Gear Solid 4

See the rest, after the break.

No joke, writing this post about today's PSN update put the fear of Alma into us. In the parlance of the lolcats: she was in r computr, hackin r sistems. Every imaginable glitch that could go wrong ... did, but three hours later it's finally complete. This week, you can check out the demos for F.E.A.R. 2 and WipEout HD. There's all the standard rhythm game DLC and a special premium treat for all the slacker Skate 2 players out there. The full North American PSN update is after the break.

PS3 Fanboy has the European PSN update, which finally adds Penny Arcade Adventures: Episode 1. Wow, was Alma messing with their system too?